Single mum fights back.

smileThis is for every single mother out there, whether you have been put in this situation recently or have always been a single parent. I’m about to hit back 🙋🏻

So, it’s about time someone fought back!

I was in a relationship for 4 and half years, had the perfect family and you know what it didnt work out. Unfortunately that’s life and some things just don’t!

So, in some cases I feel worse off because I had that family life and now I don’t and you know what? Breaks my heart some days because I never wanted my son to come from a broken home, who would?

I am so sick and tired of going on days out with my son and getting looked at like a piece of dirt.

I will go out for dinner just me and my son to have death stares, I can feel the judgmental eyes stabbing me repeatedly screaming look at her on her own with her child “eurgh another single mum what a shame”.

So, I am about to let them judgmental idiots know a few things.

I am single mum and bloody good one. I SINGLE handedly go to work full time and then come home and cook,clean,bath and do bed time.

I may be about to shatter inside because I haven’t had a break or a minute to myself in 8 days because it’s “not dads weekend” but I carry on, with a huge smile because I am STRONG.

I tackle the food shop, daily chores, school run, bills, rent and any other life hurdle by myself with no assistance which I think I heard makes me a super hero/mum.

I sometimes cry because I wish things were different but I know this is the best thing to happen for my self and my son as there is no such thing as a perfect family unit and me and his dad are better off apart.

I have to watch my son cry for his daddy when he leaves and also tell him “you’ll see him next weekend” when he hurts himself and cries out for him.

I have to fight through any bad day of mine and make it irrelevant because unfortunately tonight I don’t have a man who comes home who can watch my son whilst I make myself a decent dinner or have a chilled bath.

Yes I chose to have a baby, yes I chose to step up and it’s the BEST thing I ever did but some of us didn’t plan for it to be done alone because I certainly didnt.

There are so many struggles being a single parent but you know what? They don’t mean shit because that little human me and his dad made cracks that smile and gives me that goodnight cuddle and kiss and makes the daily struggles worth it.

Its not double the responsibility it’s double the love.

My sons Dad is a great Dad and helps where needed but it doesn’t ease off the fact I am on my own week after week.

So, to the women who look down on that single mum..

That single mum could have taken weeks to brave it out on her own.

She could be breaking in side but staying strong for her child and you know what, that strong, caring single mum you are looking down on is probably a better mum then you’ll ever be.

🙋🏻 Thanks for reading, I feel better for getting that of my chest.

Read, relate and share x

 

 

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Bright side of life.

Before this starts, if you have decided being a parent is your path of life, i am ever so sorry this could be a bit teasing and very irrelevant but i am more then sure your bundle of joy will give you a different sense of happiness.

(I am now a mummy and I am basing this blog post back to when I worked abroad)
So, done with crap relationships? ones that last about a year and a half max you think you know what love is and you THINK your ready to settle.
Friends? that moment where you get the words friends and acquaintances mixed up and you feel they only want you when they want a night out?
School? Seems that working hard for those GCSEs turned out a waste cause the winning prize of school leavers seems to be pregnancy.
Lots of things make you sit there and realise there is more to life then these horrible habit’s the world has fallen in to.
Truth is life has not even begun and all that you thought you knew you really do not have a clue about.

Now lets get to the point, people who will get this post get an unknown feeling of warmth in their body when they read the word SUMMER, for me it brings a lot of memories and makes me feel still young and euphoric.
For me it means that its time to get that flight you wait a long cold a miserable 6 months for, you work day after day and save all that money that you’ve slaved away for on minimum wage and put it towards feeling ALIVE.
I don’t know about you but if i had to sum my life up in one word it would be wanderlust, there is NO better feeling then booking a one way flight and not know when your coming back to the UK.

For someone reading this who has not got a clue what its like to do this and not know what a summer abroad consists of, i am going to let you in for a treat, ignore the bad things you have heard because there is no negativity involved.

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The day is here your boarding your plane, its finally time to forget all that crap thats been stressing you out, its time to forget about your life in the UK and feel that it is non existent.
Its time to feel what it means to be alive, spending the summer with a family you have only know for a matter of weeks and the funniest thing is you probably do not even know most of their surnames yet you class them as your best friends.
A world where for once the only time you care about social networks is to tell you mam your safe(or for money) and to upload pictures to show everyone back home what an incredible life you are currently living and let me just add this will be done by putting a euro into a computer (all you can afford to waste on it), this is one of the things i LOVE about
the summer life in the sun, social networks become irrelevant. The only way to communicate with people is by speaking and even knocking on their apartment door to see if they wanna come to pre lash or if they wanna go to the pool. You will use your phone for the right reasons and thats to capture unforgettable memories with people you will never forget.
You are finally in a world where you meet friends that are on the same page, your crap up bringing or silver spoon lifestyle is not even asked upon or even mentioned. Its about being yourself and being loved for that reason, you may never speak to some of these people again but they will have left a foot print on your heart and they have helped make this journey an unforgettable one. Its a magic little world beneath the sun, this is where you find out what YOUTH is really about and the real reason for happiness in your teens/20s. Do not get me wrong you will see fights and arguments but these are usually by unhappy tourists and by the kind of people you have left behind.
Money is finally not the motive, you work for pennies but you do not care because you are having the time of your life. You might be living of euro rolls and cheap wine but the people that are surrounding you make you feel like your living a million dollar life style.
Its not about how big your house is and expensive clothes or even if you drive a nice car and the only things you will find luxury is a 3 course meal that cost more then 10euro and a REAL bottle of vodka oh and how can i forget having AIR CON.
I always get this moment it will be when i img_3371am surrounded by my new found crazy family and it happens quite a few times through out the summer and i will look around and actually become some sort of religious freak cause in my head i would thank god for life and for letting me be in this exact moment because in that moment i would reach the peak of happiness and would pray in my mind that i could just stay in this exact moment forever. Maybe in the UK this moment would happen a lot if we had a proper summer but lets be real we don’t.

As for summer romances well.. some people think its about sleeping with the whole alphabet but well if you want to its not frowned upon but it appears the experience your having is shared not multiplied in most cases, most will meet someone and fall head over heels with them (well think) the feeling you get is intense, there is no pressure and certainly no busy bodies getting involved saying their opinions which is why i think it works so well.

Then you have the friend with ultimate benefits that no matter what each other says they do get a tiny bit jealous when they see one another PRing and chatting up fit girls/guys but you don’t make drama about it as well, life is much better then that.
No matter the fling you may get involved in it may just last the summer (for life if your a lucky one) and when you have to part ways you will be little bit heartbroken end of season, it is sure you will never ever ever forget them but its more then sure you will be over them by the minute you land as the heart break of being back in the UK takes over.

I could spend days writing about summer antics and emotions that it has with me but my aim is to re kindle it for old workers and inspire new..

So for some people when you hear the word summer you think mmm 5* hotel in the sun or a few festivals and a cheap holiday.

For me and many others this flashes through our minds:
The ball of continuous nights out, breath taking moments, summer family, crap food, deathly alcohol, stupid dares, euro rolls,silly summer romances, sun dyed hair, doctor trips, near death quad bike experiences, annoying tourists, money problems, trying to remember last night, waking up in a random place, ticket seller rivalry and so much more.

I got my one way ticket and i will never ever look back

“no regrets” x

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Lonely? Fabulous

“Single is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others”

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I look around me and all i see is happy couples, babies and wedding plans.
Im just sat here wondering what take away to order and getting prepared to moan about getting fat.
The only lasting and trustworthy relationship i seem to have is with a bottle of wine or my mobile phone. It appears us singletons are always seeing the depressing side of it and dreaming of meeting mr right, well maybe we should be counting our blessings? one day we will meet Mr/Mrs Right and then we will lose this freedom but gain some other sort of freedom.

Being single means we are independent and we get to do what we want whenever we want and yes that means we get to watch whatever we want on the TV and you wont believe it but see all that cake? you will not have to share it, how fabulous?

There comes a point when we will sit there and you will start to get that lonely feeling (it sucks) we are programmed to miss someone we shouldn’t or we will start to feel sad but its about time we should turn lonely into a positive thing, lonely should be a good thing because when we are 40 with 4 kids this lonely time where we have no commitments and no one to answer to will be potentially the best times in your life to do things.
So finish of your cake, turn those sad songs off and lets turn lonely time into positive time.

This is the time to plan those holidays, get togethers or maybe to just call an old friend and catch up?
Lonely is not a bad thing, its a feeling to remind yourself that your not done with your youth just yet.

Its easy to fall into that state of mind where all you see is happy couples and babies blah blah blah but it will come when the time is right and if its not happened yet then use the time to get out there, do things you have never done before because Mr/Mrs Right could be waiting right at the end of your comfort zone, bet you never thought of it like that?

Depending on how old you are you could have had a few bad relationships, tried to put a broken mirror back together too many times and ended up with scars? maybe if you have what i call a hangeroner (yes i made that word up) this is an ex that you cant quite let go of, the one you think of when your lonely. Just let go and think to yourself its not meant to work right now, right now you are on your own, on your own to stand tall and its your time to make whatever memories you want without any boundaries and yes thats anything you want.
A lot of couples regret the things they wish they did, do not let yourself be that person because you will favour this lonely time more then you will ever realise if you use this time wisely.
There is no age limit on lonely, lonely can be old it can be young but one thing i know is lonely is a good thing, lonely should bring youth and bring ideas, bright ideas that you will look back at and smile and say ” My lonely time was MY time and i sure as hell owed it”

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Life is not over..

holding-handsThere is an awful assumption that when you have child/children your life is instantly over.

You hear other parents complaining about the sleepless nights, dirty nappies and having no time for yourself.

The above made me absolutely shit myself when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant, at first I thought am I ready for my life to be over and am I ready to give up everything.

Then I thought to myself, NO I am not falling into that trap. The minute I found out I was pregnant I was adamant to prove that life is not over, it has just begun.

I was about to have a beautiful little human that was all mine and would love me no matter what and he was going to push me to do the best in everything i do.

I refuse to let my children grow up to be scared of having kids and thinking that everything has to be perfect and deciding to give up their life.

Now don’t get me wrong things do change, you don’t get much peace and there is now someone you will love with all your heart and will always come first no matter what but who says it has to be a negative?

Having a baby will be the most challenging but exciting time of your life.

Whether you’re doing it alone, unplanned or planned its YOUR parent journey so make it one worth looking back on.

Who says you have to give up those nights out with your friends, who says you can’t make effort with your appearance and who says you cant go on long haul holidays with your child.

Now you may not want to still live an out going life style but I feel strongly that how I parent will define how my son parents and his thoughts about it, I want him to still think I have fun. I am raising a future father and I want him to live his life before he has kids like I did but I never want him to be scared to be a dad, I want to get rid of the “life is over” stigma because it really isn’t.

Think about it, you get to be a kid all over again! Disney movies, duvet days with loads of sweets, running around the park being silly, having this toddler run you ragged all week and downing a bottle of wine faster then ever cause you finally got a night off. Embrace the negatives, you feel your patients have been tested all week, ring your mum or dad or your support network and have a bloody night off you deserve it!

As for career, you do you honey! I don’t judge however, I work hard and went back to work full time quite soon as I like the finer things in life and I am very career focused (something I want my son to be). Me and my son are due to go travelling and the luxuries come at a cost but if you can afford to not work embrace every moment with your child.

I am successful for my age, I have travelled, I have a good social life, I still get to have holidays and I am a young mum of one.

Now I just include a little human into my plans, I want him to see mummy still has a good time (in moderation) I love going on adventure, I refuse to let anything stop me.

Money can be a huge obstacle but the way I see it, you want the finer things in life you have to go and earn it! It takes time but the parent you become is the parent your child looks up too, I want my son to look up to me and think my god I cant wait to be just like my mum as a parent.

I want him to look at his life and feel blessed and that’s why I have huge plans for us to travel as I cant wait to show him the world, I want him to fall in love with other countries and grow up to go on to do his own travelling, I hope he gets curious about what else is out there.

We all have our own goals for our children but there is no right or wrong.

I am not saying you need to be rich, travel, go out every weekend, stay in all the time, never socialist because some parents are happy that their life is over but just remember that is their choice.

Your parent life is up to you so don’t let other peoples journey define yours, do the best for your children and for yourself because if you aren’t happy, your child will eventually feed of that too.

Don’t be scared, embrace it.

*To the my life is over now I have had a baby mums if you enjoy it that way and are happy carry on but if you are not, ring your friends and reconnect. I can promise you that life is not over as you’re the one who controls that, so If you don’t want it to be don’t let it.*

@Chelsearubyyx

 

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Taking that leap..

People wonder how, what and why I have decided to take my son back packing so here it is.

I have been thinking about doing it before but I was unsure on if I could do it and that was with my little boys dad so put it off.

I had long haul holidays planned but travelling is a different ball game.

I see so many negative comments about travelling with a young child but I have also read some pretty inspirational blogs that was enough to confirm it would be the most amazing challenging chapter of our lives.

I used Disney Land as a tester, we took the euro star so was on and off trains with a large back pack and buggy and had lots of tests along the way but Reg was good as gold, I didn’t even need technology to keep him occupied.

The main test at Disney was making sure I could cope just us 2 in a busy place, it went so well and learnt that the best thing in life with a toddler is a stroller and reins.

As soon as i completed Disney as a single parent for 5 days I knew i was up for another adventure but this time one somewhere hot.

I started reading blogs (suggest that you do loads of research as it will make your mind up instantly) tips and tricks on how it works travelling in Thailand with a toddler and saw how may people do it.

Flights are ridiculously cheap and that is without big waiting gaps, I will update everyone with my experience but read everywhere the child needs their own seat, a night flight and a small waiting gap if the flights are not direct so I have followed that.

We only have 2 hour gap between flights there and back and both night flights so fingers crossed it goes well.

I wont lie I am nervous but I know its what me and my son are destined to do.

I worked abroad as a teenager and I have always been a jet setter its in my nature.

The world is out there and there is so much to learn from it. I want Reg to experience different cultures and that when hes older there is more to life then his home town.

We can get so stuck in our every day lives we forget the beautiful places we have in the world.

I have had many negative comments but what is negative about showing my son another country, another language, different types of food, beautiful islands and building and creating memories with his mother.

It is dangerous but its dangerous here in the UK you hear of people being shot in Spain so nowhere is safe.

I refuse to let my son grow up in fear of the world, there are precautions to take and basic safety to remember but millions of people travel the world each year.

I am currently doing some deep research on the safest places, the places that will educate Reg and also myself.

I will be making sure I make daily contact with Reg’s dad and let him know of my hotel and destination and hotel contact details this is to ensure if we don’t contact to ring hotel and if no luck then to worry.

I am taking a spare phone just in case mine is stolen so this is well thought of and planned trip.

I am beyond grateful to my sons Dad for letting me take him but he knows that I will keep Reg safe and its a trip of a lifetime.

He may be 2 years old but this is a start of many adventures, I plan to spend at least 3 weeks a year travelling a country and educating Reg in different cultures.

The best way for him to learn is to see it for himself, I can not wait to go now and will keep you all updated in my progress leading up to the trip.

I went back to work after 3 months and missed so much of my sons life, I feel guilty so now I have saved some money and taking a break to travel with my son.

I am also doing blog VIA instagram then publish on here when I am back, I will upload a picture from each place we visit and our highs and lows of that place.

I am hard working single parent that wants to give my son the world, I am not rich and I do not have rich parents.

Anyone can do this if they put their mind to it, it all starts with a £537 flight for you and your child…

 

[If anyone would like to know where I found our flights and wants more information about what I have found regarding spending money please let me know I am more then happy to help]

 

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Opinions are not facts – you do you honey.

image.jpegThis is something i feel strongly about, i spend my time reminding myself of this most days. We get so caught up in our everyday life we forget about whats actually important and we let the stupidest things get our back up (i am guilty of this all the time).

Those disturbed nights sleep, Screaming fits, hyper toddlers and various other draining things that involves being a mum makes us pretty vulnerable to the public and all those close to us.

The biggest question we have to ask ourselves is why the fuck do we care? who cares if Barbara started weaning her baby at 3 months, who cares if beryl likes to go out drinking with her friends on the weekend every now and then, who cares if you think you should be putting shoes on babies? the list could go on and i do not care what anyone says there is a world full of opinions out there and we aren’t afraid to voice them which is perfectly fine, freedom of speech and all that bullshit but does not mean any of them are right or wrong.

We let opinions effect our every day life, we let it effect the way we bring up our children because Barbara said you should not give your baby baby rice at 3 months cause shit has changed over the years and apparently now its “not ok”. Who says Barbara is right? who gives a shit about what she thinks? Parent hood should not be driven by opinions its a case of trial and error, there is no text book child and not everything will work for you like it did for others.

We wont ever be able to stop people’s opinions and we certainly wont be able to stop the “know it all’s” comment on your parenting skills but what we can do is change the way we think about it, how we take that opinion. We all need to remember opinions are NOT facts, we should NOT let them make us feel less of parent. We are all incredible parents who are fighting our own parenting battle.

My toddler is no way perfect and neither am i, i still love having a social life. People will ALWAYS have an opinion on the way i lead my life away from my son but i do not give 2 hoots because my life works for MY family and peoples opinions wont ever stop me from doing ME.

I bring my son up how the fuck i want and if you do not like it then tough, i spend too much money on his clothes, i want him to travel the world, i believe being a working mum is best for HIM but it might not work for you but once again we ask who cares?

The amount of sly digs i did/still get about the upbringing of my son is a joke, people try and sugar coat it by saying some bullshit like “only saying cause i care” or “just thought would say, sorry to intrude” its like come on be honest you are calling me a shit mum get on with it and stop being nice!

If people spent more time supporting people’s choices and not going against them then parenthood would be a much easier journey but it wont ever stop we just need to know as a network of parents we all go through it and we need to make sure we ALWAYS remember opinions are not facts and they wont ever be so keep doing YOU and never stop.

Your child wont love the people telling you whats right or wrong, they will always love YOU no matter what.

All a child needs is love, food on the table, guidance and a roof over their head and if they have that then who the hell are we to question?

From one parent to another – i salute you.

 

 

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MUM VS TODDLER ROUND TWO: DINNER TIME…

Well, where do I start? The time where my toddler turns into Damien and tries to cause me to have a break down.

Decided to treat Reggie to our take away which was dominoes (he does eat healthy sometimes, I swear I don’t just feed him junk food) as we had a friend over. I thought to myself “He is eating what we are eating and he loves pizza so this dinner time should go smooth right?”

Fellow mothers, this is when you laugh out loud and thinks she’s dreaming.

These little monsters tend to trick us, nursery says “He sits at the table till told to leave “ and “He’s such a great eater, barely causes a mess” all I think is what fucking child do you have because that certainly isn’t mine.

Anyway, we sit him at his little table with chopped up pizza and a fork and like any toddler eats the first 3 bites like I have never fed him before (cheers reg make our guest think that we have never fed you before). Then I think, phew he might actually eat it at the table and might eat it all as he has spent the first 5 minutes being an absolute star and I am so proud of him sat there like a good boy.

I bet you parents are reading this waiting for something to go wrong right? Haha well you are absolutely right. The little shit decided to display an award winning performance which involved the iconic throwing the food on the floor, not all at once but one piece at a time. As he done this it was accompanied by me telling him not to do that and picking the food back up.

I think to myself “cheeky little so and so I try my fucking best to make you happy and this is how you repay me WHERE IS THE ALCOHOL” then I bring myself back to reality and what the hell I am going to do because my food is getting colder by the second and I want to eat it fresh (something that rarely happens).

He then tries to get of the seat and starts crying; I sit him back down for millionth time in parent hood and tell him to eat his dinner nicely. I put his food back in front of him and add some cheese bites to hope it will intrigue him enough he will eat them and give me a fucking break so I can eat my dominoes which is now pretty much ruined now.

The little monster has irritated me so much I am not even hungry now all I care about is the silence and him not getting of that seat.

He actually is intrigued by the cheese bites so WINNER WINNER I might actually get 5 minutes.

All I hear is the cheekiest giggle and something drops on the floor, I look over to the biggest grin hoping that he hasn’t started throwing his food again and what is he doing, bloody chucking his food on the floor again.

His giggle is the most infectious in the world and I can’t help but join in when I hear it, it makes my heart so warm and no matter what he is doing I can’t help but laugh.

I try my best to not encourage him but I am past the point of caring, now my peaceful dinner is fucked and my dominoes is better to now be left for breakfast because I am not even hungry now.

I just let him have his fun until he’s put everything on the floor and smeared it all into his hands, table, radiator and floor (Main reason why I leave my housework till late at night because the little devil just wrecks it till he is in bed).

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My friend can’t help but laugh which makes me feel so much better, I then picture dinner without my little Damien (Reggie) and I realise how painful the silence would be. Even though I constantly wish for peace and quiet, I know I wouldn’t feel normal without his cheeky ways and challenging dinner times.

If he was not there I would probably just be sat on my phone or talking about something unimportant or even not sat there at all (Would be out wasting my evening on fake friends and alcohol) yet i have a special little boy that makes my evenings, he makes me laugh, makes me lose my shit on the daily but also gives me a reason to keep going.

I may miss my dinner most nights, he may make me clean up the same spot a million times but I can’t help but join in on his cheeky ways and accompany him with a hug, smile and laughter.

I absolutely love being a mum and how frustrated I always feel because that’s the price you have to pay to have a little gorgeous boy that makes you smile.

I would be lying if I said I can’t wait for it to all happen again tomorrow but I can’t wait for that smile at the end of him pissing me off, that’s what I live for.

Chelsea – Instagram @ChelseaRubyyx

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